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chesswrangler
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Gender: Male
Interests: I like music, chess, reading, and buying expensive cookware. One day I hope to learn how to cook. Alton Brown is my hero!
Occupation: Engineering
Message: message me
Member Since:
8/12/2005
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'dat girl i talk to last night, she a good'n she is. i gots a picture in my mind's eye when she talks, its like a angel or sumpin'. anyhow, she wutn't feelin' too good last night see, and so's we didn't talk a whole lot. but i worry about her sometimes, she gots a lot to take care of and ain't nobody there to take care a her, you know? anyhow, me and her we talk a lot, see. she tells me all about her kids and her momma and things and i tell her about my damn dog and all the big ideas i got about the world. she listens to me and i listens to her. her kids is great, though! they all real young and just full of life and laughter and meaness and yellin' and such. sometimes they argue and cry about the dumbest things and those girls, well they can be just as sweet as you please and make you melt like butter when they give you a big hug. i don't know what to say about her momma, though. she lives away most times so she can't help out that much but when she comes around, she helps a lot. sometimes my angel complains about her momma and sometimes she thinks her momma can't do no wrong. ain't no figurin' women folks, that's for sure. last night she told me she was gettin' tired from workin' all the time and takin' care of the kids alone. tryin' to do for the church and all and never gettin' to take a break. she ought not have to carry that burden alone, ya know? I guess we all got our burdens to carry though, don't we. but still, i worry about her sometimes.
tonight i'm gonna tell her about a dream i got for both of us. i'm gonna tell her about how someday we gonna wake up together on a tuesday morning and decide how we not gonna go to work that day. and the best part is that it won't be no big deal waking up together on tuesday morning 'cause we gonna wake up together every morning. everyday we gonna get up and drink coffee together, i'll tell her about the big ideas i come up with over the night time and she'll smile at me and make me feel real important. we gonna take turns gettin' ready in the bathroom and i'm gonna go first cause she takes longer than i do and so i can start wakin' up the kids. then when she gets ready we can fight with the kids together and get them off to school on time. we gonna hug everyday. but this tuesday morning we gonna get up and get the kids off to school like always and then just go right back home. we gonna put our jammie's back on and turn the telephone ringer off. get snuggled up on the couch all cozy with a warm blanket and spend a few hours sharin' our feelings for each other without ever sayin' a word. we just gonna snuggle and doze until we're done and startin' to feel hungry. for lunch we gonna fix up something good and then sit at the table in our pajamas and enjoy eatin' in the peace and quiet. in the afternoon we might get us a movie to watch or newspaper to read, before we hafta get the kids and start up the world again. just 'cause its a tuesday, that's what i'm gonna tell her. and i hope that gives her a big smile and makes her feel warm and loved and gives her something to hope for and dream about. 'cause i love her a lot and i worry about her sometimes...
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| So anyway I'm reading a few articles at CNN.com when I come across this opening paragraph by some staff writer by the name of Rachel Zupek. "Everyone knows someone privy to sharing too much information -- the TMI, if you will. TMIs have no boundaries and no shame. They will tell you any and every piece of personal information, whether it's filling you in on her latest try at the fertility doctor or the dream he had about your boss last night." I'm thinking "Huh?" " privy to sharing ??" Right there on the prestigious CNN website!! Heck! The article is even in the top ten "Most Popular". And then I think, well maybe I am wrong. I probably do not know how to use the word privy (or pilfer for that matter!) in journalistic writing and so I decide to visit my trusty friends at Dictionary.com. Sure enough! What we have here is an incorrect word usage. Well, now I am in a conundrum. Should I, as a matter of public service (an no small service to Ms. Zupek, if that IS her real name!), attempt to contact the writer and show her the error of her ways? And thereby giving her and all of her readers the opportunity to move one step closer to the maximum potential of personal achievement! Or should I possibly just join the mass of lemming-like, mind-numbed, internet information junkies, who allow any and all grievous word choices and let the horrible offense go unchallenged? And thereby contribute to the overall decline of good word choice appreciation. I ask you. | | |
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Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die
Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich
Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks
Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs
Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing
Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism
Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $0.30?
Number 2
In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2008:
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration. | | |
| Since I received so many calls and letters from all of you, here it is again. Enjoy!
Happy Thanksgiving!
*Ode to Tom Turkey
Oh for the love of turkeys do I
Allow them to live with nary a sigh.
We’ll feast not upon the elegant bird
In fact the tradition is kind of absurd!
I’d rather, in fact, and opinion as well
Eat pizza, or pasta, or shrimp in the shell.
Perhaps in years and years to come
We’ll realize ingesting turkeys is dumb.
We’ll change our tradition and menu and all
To eat something else, so late in the fall.
Then turkeys can frolic with gobble and laughter
No fear from the thought of untimely here-after.
The turkey is noble,
The turkey is true,
So this year for dinner
We’ll try something new.
*Dediated to turkeys everywhere in the style of one of my greatest heros, Dr. Theodor Suess Geisel.
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| Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
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